John Mayer is All Over the Map, Jessica Simpson is “Crack Cocaine”

John Mayer is all over the map in his new interview with Playboy magazine.   He goes from calling Jessica Simpson crack cocaine, to explaining how Twitter contributed to his breakup with Jennifer Aniston, to talking about his “hood pass” and dropping racial slurs!

Where do we even start with this guy!?

On Jessica Simpson:

(She was) “A drug, and drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them,” he says, adding, “Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me.”

“Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say,” (NOT) he continues. “It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just f—in’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f— you, I would start selling all my s— just to keep f—ing you.’”

As for his breakup with the freshly 41-year-old Jennifer Aniston;

“One of the most significant differences between us was that I was tweeting. There was a rumour I was dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn’t it. The brunt of her success came before (showbiz news website) TMZ and Twitter. I think she’s still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction, and I always said, ‘These are the new rules.’”

And then this gem, which I honestly am not sure I can really translate, but I’m sure you can fill in the **** and figure out it’s not something that you’d say in an interview.

“Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a n****r pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’“