1. General Larry Platt – “Pants on the Ground”
This is a good example of how the modern internet meme can so instantly saturate everything that you become familiar with it without actually having seen it. I already knew the hook from this season’s ultra-super-funny American Idol audition via Facebook status updates and radio DJs, but after having watched it, I now see it’s a song about chiding urban youth for their slovenly appearance: “Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin’ like a fool wit cha pants on the ground, with yo’ gold in yo’ mouth, hat turned sideways…” Come on, that’s not even timely. Kids today rock skinny jeans. It’s almost like this semi-senile 62-year-old doesn’t own the New Boyz album or something.
2. Justin Bieber – “Sneak peek of Baby…get the studio version featuring LUDACRIS on ITUNES this monday the 18th!!”
Wow, this song is fantastic. What a nice introduction to hearing Justin Bieber’s actual music. Heretofore, I knew him solely as the mop-topped tween Perez would occasionally gush about, and Perez’s imprimatur is usually all I need to not listen to something. But this song is so good and he’s a good singer. Can’t wait to cop the iTunes version with Ludacris awkwardly shoved in. Everything is made better by the addition of Ludacris, except Crash, which would have been made better by the addition of Predator methodically decapitating every character.
3. Lady GaGa – “GaGa Performs on Oprah *IN HQ*
The uploader of this video actually has the gall to label it “H[igh] Q[uality]” despite the fact that it was recorded by holding the camera up to the television. It’s like a bootleg film, except instead of someone risking jail to bring you The Book of Eli, it’s someone too dumb to transfer from their TiVo to their hard drive. I think you can hear someone rooting around in the kitchen’s junk drawer at some point.
4. Lady GaGa – “Lady Gaga on Oprah Interview Part 1! (01/15/10)” –
Now I’m offended. Two hold-the-camera-up-to-the-TV videos in a row. And they’re from separate uploaders! Also, what’s this doing in the “music” section of YouTube? It’s an interview with Lady GaGa. It belongs in Pets & Animals.
5. Kesha – “Tik Tok (Music Video) + HQ + Lyrics”
First and foremost, liar!! This isn’t in HQ. In fact, the videos taken by holding the camera up to the television have better resolution. Second, is there any rhyme or reason to the process by which YouTube decides to take down videos uploaded by people who don’t own the copyright? I still haven’t seen the Adam Lambert AMAs performance because YouTube yanks it instantly, but this umpteenth upload of “Tik Tok” gets to amass 570,000 views? A banner ad for “jabbo.in” is displayed throughout. To save you the trip, it’s a website for some Sims-esque virtual world video game. It’s known as Habbo stateside, but a quick glance in the comments section (“Das Video ist cool, ich bin schon lange im jabbo es macht sehr viel spass hiphopboy gruss Tea10 und von Filip”) leads me to believe it’s called “Jabbo” in Scandinavia. And Portugal.
6. Camila – “Mientes (Video Oficial)”
This is like Enrique Iglesias except even more excruciatingly awful because it’s actually in Spanish.
7. JLS – “One Shot – JLS New Single – Official Video – High Quality”
OMFG. This shit is so gay my vision blurred, real talk. No homo for me even writing about it. What does JLS stand for, anyway? Jive-Looking Sisters? Jaunty Little Sassypants? Just Lickin’ Snowcones? I had never heard of JLS until three minutes ago, but a quick trip to their official website tells me they’re a boyband phenomenon in England, which just makes so much sense. Sometimes I think about how great UK acts like the Stone Roses and Suede never cross the pond and lament how unfair it is. Then I remember that we keep crap like Steps, Hear’Say and this nonsense on the island where it belongs and my patriotism swells. U-S-A! U-S-A!
8. “Pants on the Ground w/ download”
9. Larry Platt – “Pants on the Ground (with Lyrics!!!)
Our country sure is bored. By the way, this is another hold-the-camera-up-to-the-television video. I think it’s charting so high because the uploader transcribed the lyrics. You know, in case you were wondering what comes after “pants on the ground.” (It’s “pants on the ground.”) How much money do you think Larry Platt has made from his insta-fame? My guess is no money at all, or that he’s managed to lose some.
10. Larry Platt and D-Pryde – “Pants on the Ground (REMIX)”
With 30% of this list being “Pants on the Ground,” I was afraid that it might – MIGHT – start to get a little less funny, but all sarcasm aside, this video is reasonably tight. Some goofy Asian kid added a beat and verses and chopped up a decent hook to make the whole thing function as a real song. I bet D-Pryde is the best rapper at Stanford.
BONUS VIDEO – Weed (Remix) by Katt Williams featuring DJ Steve Porter
This song is so good I actually paid to buy it off iTunes. Granted, I tried to steal it online first, but when that didn’t work I coughed up the buck. That never happens.