1. Lady GaGa – “Paparazzi HD OMG 2010 Ms. Bad Romance Live Telephone”
Who the hell titled this video? It sounds like the heading of an email designed to slip through a spam filter. This song is horrible.
2. Jay-Z – “Official “On To The Next One” Video!”
If you weren’t aware, there’s an online controversy surrounding this video’s supposed proof of Jigga’s status as a Freemason. Punch “Jay-Z” and “Freemason” into the YouTube search box to see a host of videos detailing the hidden symbolism. Then enter the name of any musician and “satan” to see just how many paranoid, stupid people exist out there with iMovie and no day job who enjoy propagating idiotic conspiracy theories. Look, rappers are not flashing devil horns in their videos, OK? They just like pointing up.
3. Beyonce – “Video Phone ft. Lady GaGa”
Sometimes a female artist will attempt to court controversy by dramatically sexing up her image. I’m convinced this video is trying to garner attention by triggering as many seizures across the country as possible. Seriously, I’m not even epileptic and I almost swallowed my tongue. And if you think the strobe light effects are jarring, just wait ’til the camera cuts from Beyonce to Lady GaGa. It’s like cutting to her photo negative.
4. Rihanna – “Russian Roulette”
See, this is why Rihanna is 5.3 x 10^12 times cooler than Beyonce. This is a song about maybe shooting yourself in the head. Beyonce’s last big single was about how great getting married is. What’s so awesome about this video is that it really destroys the whole “it’s just a metaphor!” interpretation of the lyrics. Don’t tell me the song’s about taking a chance on love. It’s about getting shot. Rihanna even gets shot through the throat and blood comes pouring out at the 4:00 mark. Can you imagine Beyonce doing that in a video that wasn’t shot in a cave in Pakistan?
5. Edward Maya & Vika Jigulina – Stereo Love (OFFICIAL VIDEO)
I can’t understand how this stunningly average slice of Eurodance has managed to rack up 13,571,650 views, unless the collective population of Greece, where it’s set, is sitting at their desks clicking “refresh” in an effort to get as much free tourism advertising as possible. And I have to admit, Greece looks beautiful, but if this song is playing all the time over there, as this video would have me believe, I’ll just stay home and listen to Eiffel 65. kthx
6. Rihanna “Russian Roulette HD Beyonce Live Hard Wait Your Turn”
Hey, another video that sounds like it was titled by whoever writes spam emails for counterfeit prescription drugs. In fact, I’m sure they’re by the same resident of a former Soviet state, because, though uploaded by different accounts, they both contain links to ringtone sites that likely turn your computer into a bot used to crash the servers of online gambling companies that won’t pay protection money. AND both videos end with a title card reading, “Have You Seen The Greatest Entertainer Of All YouTube? To See Him Type His Name Into The YouTube Search box: One Man One Dream One Chance.” To save you the keystrokes, it directs you to some viral video sensation made by a goofball trying to win back his ex-girlfriend by exercising to music. It has nothing to do with Rihanna or Lady GaGa or infecting your computer with malware so I guess the counterfeit ringtone proprietor who made this video just likes laughing at other losers.
7. Young Money – “Bed Rock”
Here’s a posse cut featuring artists signed to Lil’ Wayne’s label, Young Money. My usual response to seeing someone with head-to-toe tattoos is to lament how they’ll look at 60, but more than half of these people will have been shot dead long before anyway, so why not go for it. No surprise: the least tatted-up among this crew is Drake, the half-white Jew from Canada. He also has the best lyrics. They sound like they were written by someone who could read by age ten.
8. Selena Gomez & The Scene – “Naturally”
This video is sort of like “Seven Nation Army” meets “Let Forever Be” minus how great those videos are. (It’s still kind of good, though.)
9 Jay Sean – “Do You Remember ft. Sean Paul, Lil Jon”
This song plays twenty times daily on pop radio. Yes, Jay Sean, I remember. I’d have to fall backwards and hit my head on the curb to forget.
10. Lady Gaga – “Bad Romance ( Lyrics/Songtext )”
Oh, so she was saying “Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah” the whole time! You are truly deserving of the name you gave yourself, MrLyricsMaster. You must be one popular German. Otherwise, the comments section wouldn’t be so full of happy emoticons and German. To wit: aber das lied mag ich ; ) sooo hammaa =)
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