Lil’ Wayne Bites the Bullet Starting Today


And for you non-prison-slang muahfuckahs, a bullet is a year in jail.

Political prisoner Lil’ Wayne begins his unjust year-long stint at Riker’s today. Weezy F. Baby, the Rapper Eater, aka the Best Rapper Alive, is going away on a bullshit weapons charge. He was found in illegal possession of a .40 caliber handgun after racist, rapper-hating pigs pulled his tour bus over because they smelled marijuana. GTFO of here with pulling a bus over because you smell marijuana. New York sucks. I ride around with like a quarter-ounce of the sticky in my motherfucking pocket out here in Los Angeles, on some 215 in the 323 shit. I wish a badge would test me. I got the prescription in my wallet.

Here, let me help you learn to love this gifted man by embedding some of his greatest work:

“Swizzy” – Destroying “It’s Me Bitches” by Swizz Beats with like 50 punchlines in a row. That’s more than Dane Cook has written in 14 years. Whatever moron uploaded this put the wrong lyrics in the info section. These are closer.

“Did it Before” – People sometimes complain that Lil’ Wayne doesn’t make sense, but he’s just on a level so far above cats they don’t get it. It’s like Cam’Ron says: “It’s unfortunate due to the consequences of your tax bracket you don’t comprehend half the shit that’s going on. Stop chasing me and chase the motherfucking money. Oh, I forgot. Uhhh. I am the money.” At first blush, this just sounds like Wayne saying “We did it befo’ we did it befo'” for four minutes but it’s actually a quite complicated dissection of inter-relationship politics. Like, do the two bitches he knows done did it befo’ know that he, too, did it befo’? Something to ponder while you don’t do your day job and watch. Kanye West produced this. Also, the idiot who uploaded it titled it incorrectly.

“Uh Oh” This is so good Ja Rule is on it and it’s still good.

“D.O.A.” Whoever transcribed the lyrics to this one thinks “Feed you all the Granddaddy Purp” is “Fiji Water Granddaddy Purp.” Goddamn, everyone is stupid. (By the same token, it’s “Feed you all the O.G. Kush,” not “Fiji Water O.G. Kush.” I mean, what the fuck, do you think Lil’ Wayne smokes out of a bong? He’s black.)

“Dipset” Uh…I’m so Dipset,  Dipsouth Baby / If you don’t like it nigga, fuck You wit a AIDS dick / I hope you die 30 times, nigga murder mimes / No fast talk, I’m on that syrup, I’m on that turtle time / If Killa say a nigga dead, then a nigga dead / If Stunna say a nigga dead, then a nigga dead / VIP, We be them niggas bangin’ in the red / Dont drink Cristal no more, just pour it on white bitches heads – This song is playing on a loop in heaven.

Out in a year. Eight months with good behavior. So, a year.

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