Abercrombie and Fitch Launch Pre-Emptive Lawsuit Against Beyonce

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Beyonce has an alter ego named Sasha Fierce. But her real name is Beyonce! You don’t need to invent a superstar alter-ego when you were obviously born and groomed (and named) to be a superstar. She says she becomes Sasha Fierce onstage, and that the rest of the time she’s just a regular person like you or me. Except rich, famous, beautiful, black, and named BEYONCE. If she craves a respite from herself, she should invent an alter ego named “Erin” who’s perpetually on her day off from working at Forever 21.

Anyway, ol’ Bey-Bey is being sued by Abercrombie and Fitch, America’s preeminent retailer of clothing for attractive young recreational crystal meth users. They market a fragrance called “Fierce.” (No surprise there. You have to know your customers, and the averge Aberzombie was using that word incessantly before Christian Siriano inspired a t-shirt.) Beyonce is launching a line of fragrances next year, and A’n’F allege she’s infringing on their “Fierce” trademark. But Beyonce won’t even be using the word “Fierce” in the name of her fragrance. Calm down, Abercrombie and Fitch. You can’t sue someone for something they haven’t done yet, unless you’re suing a contractor for not repaving your driveway when you’ve already paid. (Why would you pay first? Sucker!)

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