I bet you were worried there might not be a Jersey Shore post today. Calm down.

The New Jersey Italian American Legislative Caucus has asked MTV to cancel the show, which they say promotes derogatory ethnic stereotypes and is wildly offensive.

Starzlife has received a copy of the letter:

Dear Goons:

Boy, youse guys really crossed da line this time. We was just fine wit’cha network when youse was promotin’ quality fare like Undressed and Headbanger’s Ball, but now you done started suggestin’ that Italian Americans from Jersey ain’t too classy. I wondah whut my bruddah’s buddies might have to say about that. I ain’t sayin’ things could get violent. But I ain’t saying they won’t. I’m just sayin’ they can find out where your kids go to school reals easy-like.

Yuh trashy show has this whole country runnin’ around thinkin’ that every Italian in Jersey uses steroids. Please. A real man don’t need to bulk himself up to win bar fights. Dat’s what brass knuckles is for. And what’s with dis hair gel nonsense? I ain’t used hair gel once in fifty years! All I need is a dabba Brylcreem in the morning, a refresher in the afternoon, and a handful right before bed.

The ladies on your show ain’t too classy, neither. The one who got punched, what’s her name? Sucky? The nerve of that broad, going on Entertainment Tonight, and giving her side of the story. It’s like her parents ain’t never teach her traditional Italian values, like omerta. Granted, if she’s was raised right, she woulda first asked her male roommates for permission to annoy that poor gym teacher all night, and maybe that Situation woulda sent her home to start blending protein shakes.

And how dares you make Italians look lazy. These useless bimbettes won’t even put the work in to sell those stylish custom t-shirts with words on ‘em. Lemme tell you about two close buddies of mine, Paulie Walnuts and Bobby Bacala. Dey once had to show up every day to a construction site just so’s they could collect a paycheck dat was owed dem anyway. Did dey complain? Hell, no! Dey showed up every day and worked on their tan. (That’s the one thing I’ll give your show credit for: all the kids have beautiful skin. And the Situation is in great shape for a 36-year-old.)

So put a sock in this crap, wouldja? Jersey Italians have it hard enough, what with the stereotypes that all waste-management workers and bookies have mob ties, or that our womens ain’t as classy as some uppity Jew broad, or that we all have ridiculous nicknames. I expect more from the network that brought us that Wilmer Valderarma show about insultin’ ya muddah.

– Antonia “Two Time” “Breadsticks” D’Aglionitino

P.S.: Coulja give J-WOWW my email address?

2009 StarzLife