What the Hell?! Michael Jackson STILL Isn’t Buried

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What’s up with every non-Jewish approach to burial? When one of us dies, we can’t get ’em in the ground fast enough. You go straight from Cedars-Sinai to Mt. Sinai. (Is “sinai” Hebrew for “sick Jew”?) And none of this revolting solid-gold sarcophagus¬† nonsense, either. You get a wood box. In Israel, I think you just get wrapped in a sheet before they plant you twenty minutes after you succumb to whatever did you in – probably standing near an explosion.

Michael Jackson, who died in JUNE, will finally be laid to rest on Auguest 29th, which would have been his 51st birthday, awesome father Joe Jackson confirms. He’ll be interred at Forest Lawn. Too bad it’s not the Hollywood Forever Cemetary, because they occassionally screen movies outdoors there, and sitting on Michael Jackson’s grave sounds like a vantage point cool enough to get me to watch a Fellini film.

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