Tony Romo Kicked Jessica to the Curb for Being a Drunk


Why does alcohol produce such a wide range of effects in people? Every other intoxicant is predictable: coke always makes you happy and chatty, speed always makes you wide awake and a better driver, heroin always makes you itchy. No one’s a “sleepy cokehead,” but there are “drowsy drunks,” “happy drunks,” “angry drunks,” and “embarrassing, stupid drunks.” They last kind on that list is almost always female and is occassionally Jessica Simpson.

Fox is claiming that Tony Romo (he plays for the Dallas Cowboys in case you’re as sports-ignorant as I am) cut ex-gf Jessica loose because she’s one of those dumb drunk girls that Jeff Richards used to parody as “Drunk Girl.” Have you watched one of those recently? They’re still funny. Here:

“Jessica would get really drunk and obnoxious, it was out of control. She would be sprawled everywhere with her head on his lap and the look on Tony’s face said it all,” says a source. I bet it said: “This is not how I like your head in my lap.”

Source: Fox, but this isn’t political so you can probably believe it

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